I am ruled by ambition, to be someone someday. I don’t love money for the sake of loving it, but I love it for the sake of what it can buy me.
Always wanted a girl friend. Always wanted an ambition.
But that is exactly where it all gets weirder. My ambition says, someday people will look up at me. Not because I will be rich. No. I never wanted to being looked up as the rich ones. But when people look at me the only thing they want to say is,
BE LIKE HIM,
DO WHAT HE DID.
There will be no place from where, I can pass through, without getting recognized. But when I think about the girl I want to be, I don’t want people to recognize me, at all. So that, I can do my thing, and nobody cares. I have never reached any of the two.
Tell parents about your girl
As I told you, I don’t have one. But the day I’ll have one, I want to tell my mother first, eventually my father will know it. But even in this case, what I may lose something. My parents won’t think me as the same kid. And I am in danger of getting teased, by my parents off-course.
Latest tragedy, the girl
I was trying to hit on a girl from back school, though now I am in college. But today, I came to know that she is with somebody else. Ahhh… I feel angry, but because of who-
- My self, for tripping off on the wrong foot.
- That girl nick named PIPPI, who was replying to all of my messages. And when I indirectly asked her twice, if she was seeing some one. She never gave me a direct response. She never pointed it out.
- My friends, for saying that I was an idiot who has that good-looking cute girl in my class and I never tried to hit on her.
Don’t want to tell this, but it’s been years since I last cried. I mean not like threw myself on the bed, with my face shrunken into the pillow. I couldn’t cry for long. I am an adult, and probably out of practice. I don’t have a lot of tears, to cry.
I feel like I have just shifted out of the topic. I don’t know. I am sad, right now.
There is this thing known as fate or maybe destiny. When I looked back, I tried to collect all the events and they sounded weird.
- I saw this girl, back in 8th grade (don’t tell me my memory is faded or manipulated).
- After that saw her again in 11th grade. We attended biology classes together. For two years. I never looked at her. Thought she was very innocent, maybe she was, I don’t exactly know.
- Two years together, and not a word. Not even eye contact.
- After leaving school and joining college. One day I saw her, standing on the pavement, dressed in black. Felt like stopping, but I was with my friends, who has no idea who the girl was.
- I reached my college, and damn college’s WiFi was turned on. Without any password security.
- So, I opened her profile and sent her a friend request.
- My the noon, it was accepted. I talked and talked just tried to keep up with the conversation. Ans sure, she replied to all of my messaged.
- I dug deeper. Found that she updated her relationship status back in 2011. And later in that very year, she had status posted, criticizing about how bad boys are.
- The pointed I noted was that, her current relationship status was, SINGLE. Still, all I felt was bad. Only because, she loved somebody, who left her. All her Digital Pictures, flashed in my mind. All smiles were faded. Felt like she was hurt.
- I tried to keep up with the conversation all the time. But she was like mysterious. She was replying, but never actually seemed to take part in the conversation. By the way, her messages taught me to use smiley, in IMs. Her “Hmmmmm” and “Shhhhhhh….“, I will never forget. They may also haunt me.
- But I was in doubt, a girl as pretty like that. Well, it is possible that she might not hit on anybody. But that surely don’t means, nobody will hit on her.
- Finally, I asked her one more time if she was with someone. She ignored my message. I asked one more time, and there was where I took the hit. And damn, it managed to damage me somehow.
- Once again, tears came to my eye only for a couple of second.
Parallel BCA syllabus
I am a BCA student. We have semester pattern.
- First Semester, I was blogging.
- Second Semester, I was learning PHP and MySQL. Something that even students with Master degree don’t know in my college.
- Two months leave, every body was getting wasted or maybe busy at some local gym. Me, at that time ordered books on PHP and MySQL and was reading them the entire day and night.
- Third Semester, I was busy applying it. Launch a small start-up named Global School Directory, with big aims.
- Fourth Semester, I tried something new. My parallel course was you (the girl).
For the first time, I felt like I failed in my own selected parallel thing. I was even thinking, in case I’ll pass I am gonna state this achievement in my CV. But damn, I failed.
So now, finally my blog is ill, my small start-up project is ill (I need a team). Finally, the girl I was hitting on gave me a serious hit.
In the end, it feels like –
I am a FAILURE, all over again.
If I would have succeeded,
I would have told to my mother first,
The questions lined up, F*** U, Unexpected life
- Why I saw her again?
- Why my college’s WiFi was on?
- Why I tapped that “Send Friend Request” button?
- Why I talked and you replied? Your replies were normal, but hey when I told you that you were the only girl I talked to and I don’t talk to girls.
- You deactivated you account, and after 12 days you reactivated it. Why the hell you messaged me like “Heyyy Hiiii”? And why that message had three “y” and four “i”. You made me felt like as if, you messaged some old good friend. Okay, I noticed that.
Still, sorry for posting those stupid IMs. I won’t be able to talk to you again. You were the first girl, to get wished Teddy Day, Valentine’s Day, Birthday on chat, by me. That doesn’t mean anything now. The only lie I ever told you was that ” I accidentally text you the wrong message” that wrong message was purposed to start the conversation again.
I can write a thousand words more. But just leave….. IGNORE IT … Wow! how I used to count those conversation 2000+ chat messages till now. After all, it wasn’t your fault.
I am unable to sleep, I usually used to wake up at 9 – 10 AM. Now, my eyes gets wide open at 6:30 to 7:00 AM. That is pretty weird.